Dhamma Letter No. 117
Q: I once bullied a person at work and hurt a friend by saying hurtful things. As time goes by, regret and sorry for him are pushed. But a lot of time has already passed and there is no going back, so how can I ask for forgiveness?
A: A lot of time has passed, and you haven't contacted him for a long time, but if you still feel deeply sorry for him, you have to resolve it now. You must be free from that unhealthy mind. Contact him now to apologize and ask for forgiveness. If you can't meet in person, it's a good idea to express your apologies at least by phone or email.
Whether that friend accepts an apology or not, you have to do as much as you can. Then it's up to your friend.
It is wonderful to have the courage to speak up without covering up your mistakes.
And after asking for forgiveness, don't beat yourself up too much. To tell the truth, you yourself would have said and acted that to your friend at the time, though unsound, as a way to protect yourself from any danger. Because everyone is full of fear and doesn't know how to deal with their fear, they instinctively express it to the other person.
The essential stupidity of human beings is expressed in the form of harming oneself or harming others. Therefore, you must also ask for forgiveness from yourself. And please love yourself and comfort yourself. In Buddhism, 'no-self' is emphasized, and 'I' is observed as '5 aggregates (pañca khandha: 5온, 五蘊)'. However, in order to see the truth right away, Sila must be based on the fundamental morality of human beings. It is because you can realize the reality of that ‘no-self’ through a pure mind.
Cultivate loving-kindness toward yourself. When you are full of loving-kindness towards yourself, respect and loving-kindness for others will already be with you.
May everyone be free from body and mind!
May you be free from any suffering!
With Metta,
Ayyā Kosallā Vipassinī
Edited by Euna Bonovich
If you have any questions related to dhamma & meditation, please feel free to ask. You can reach Ayya Kosalla directly at Bhikkhuni.Kosalla@gmail.com.
법에 대한 질문이 있으신 분은 위의 이메일 주소로 질문을 남겨주세요.
위빠사나명상의 마음관찰에 대한 논문을 한글 원본으로 읽고 싶으신 분은 클릭해서 다운로드 받을 수 있습니다. (네이버에 PDF 첨부)
The Korean Dhamma Letter is here 담마레터.
Bhikkuni Kosalla Vipassini resides in Mahabodhi Meditation Vihara in Arizona, USA.
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Buddha Sāsanaṁ Ciraṁ Tiṭṭhatu!
May the Buddha’s teachings last a long time!
Bhavatu Sabba Sotiṁ ca Maṅgalaṁ ca!!
May everyone be led on the path of peace and blessing!!
Sādhu Sādhu Sādhu !